I often wonder why people cheat. Everyone goes through ups and downs in a relationship and it’s not surprising to be attracted to someone other than your partner. But what drives someone to break the trust of their partner and cheat? Is it that the relationship is so bad that you can’t take it? In that case, why not break it off and just leave. Some people say they found their true love after already marrying someone. In order to realize this you would have to spend a significant amount of time with that person outside of your relationship. So, cheating necessarily came first. Maybe you are stuck in a bad marriage but already have children and don’t want to break things off for their sake. Why not talk to your partner about your issues and find ways to make things work or possibly be in an open relationship until the kids grow up. Maybe you are just promiscuous and want multiple partners. Then why are you in a relationship in the first place? Maybe you are in an abusive relationship and financially dependent on your partner. In that case, shouldn’t you be focusing on other more important things such as finding a job than cheating? Maybe your partner is cheating on you and you want to cheat to get back at them. Why not just be the bigger person and walk away?
Whatever the excuse is, I feel no sympathy towards people who cheat. The problem is not your partner or the circumstance, it’s only you yourself. It’s either lack of self-control or maturity to have difficult conversations or basic morals. I wish people had more self- respect and more importantly respect for their significant other to admit that you always have an option – to leave. There is nothing more damaging to a person than knowing that someone they love is not fully committed to them. It’s sad that so many people cheat or put up with cheating these days to the point that it has almost become a norm in our society.
I absolutely agree. Cheating/affair is not a solution to fighting/conflicts in a relationship. Is there always a better solution? I am tempted to say – absolutely… that is, if we were 100% rational, logical being. But, as you well know, we are not perfect. We are emotional and impulsive at times, and so are our solutions to our problems.
Thanks for sharing a different perspective. I can understand different situations that might drive a person to cheat. The question in my mind is whether it’s ever justified even in the most extreme cases. It’s hard to judge without having been in one of those situations myself. I just think whatever issue drove someone to cheat, there are probably better ways of dealing with it. Cheating just seems like the easier way and should we be holding ourselves more accountable. Or do we just accept that cheating is part of human nature as someone once said to me “people are only as loyal as their options”.
When something is extremely common, I think trying to at least understand it (without justifying it) is much more useful than simply condemning it. I think there is an agreement out there that generally men and women cheat for different reasons. For men it’s mostly physical drive toward novelty and variety, while for women it’s mostly being on a rebound or need for emotional support that they don’t get from their partner, jealousy, or revenge.